Becoming Vulnerable

Becoming vulnerable isn’t easy. When I had my third child, my life turned upside down.

My husband lost his job. My baby had health issues. Recovery from childbirth was quite traumatic. My marriage struggled.

I longed for stability, for resiliency, for the coping skills I had spent my life acquiring. But I had lessons to learn. One of those lessons was about vulnerability.

I learned I would rather be seen as “strong” or “all together” or “unmovable” than “vulnerable” or “in need of help.” Becoming vulnerable is contrary to our nature. It is easy and natural to hide our flaws, cover our weaknesses and pretend we do not make mistakes.

I love the research that Brene Brown has done on vulnerability. She has written some amazing books, but perhaps what she is most famous for are her Ted Talks. This particular one inspired me to disclose myself, flaws and all:

An Experience That Left Me Vulnerable

I accepted an invitation to speak to a group of women about how others have helped me. I made the decision to be real, to speak from the heart and to admit my struggles.

I was brave, courageous and captivated the attention of the audience. But as soon as the meeting was over, the first thing I wanted to do was run and hide.

I felt so exposed!

Now others knew I was not always strong, I did not always have it all together and I was in fact, human. I hated how that felt. I admit I avoided those women for quite awhile.

Then, slowly, I started to recover and regain my sense of self and my sense of confidence. I also received feedback from other women. Comments like “I almost did not go to this meeting tonight because I am dealing with so much right now, but your message resonated in my soul and brought me strength” and “I needed to hear how normal it is to be flawed” and “I wish we spoke with such openness more often.”

Learning From My Vulnerable Experience

When the desire comes to be seen as “unflawed” I remember this experience of becoming vulnerable and I try to let my whole self be seen.

Starting a private practice is an exercise in vulnerability for me.

Informing friends and family members that I need more support is an exercise in vulnerability.

Admitting my parenting challenges is an exercise in vulnerability.

My personal goal is to master vulnerability. To show courage in being honest, genuine and open, regardless of how the audience treats it. Another concept that Brene discusses is from a quote by Theodore Roosevelt, on “daring greatly.”

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Let’s be in the arena, flawed and imperfect (and even vulnerable), but striving.

If you liked this post and found it valuable, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.

Take Care,

Kristel Scoresby

P.S. Be sure to visit Brené Brown’s Amazon Page and take advantage of her books including, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly. I know you’ll love them!

Be sure to share this post on “Becoming Vulnerable” with your friends.

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