Back in the day, we “thought” adoptions should be secretive, rarely discussed and sealed.
What we were really doing was protecting couples from feeling the loss of their infertility. Bad move.
Infertility is a loss equal to almost none. It is heartbreaking. If we do not address it as a loss and face it as a loss and hurt for it as a loss, it has significant long-term effects.
An adoption plan exists for the benefit of the child, not the adoptive parents, not the birth parents. Of course the adoptive parents benefit, of course the birth parents can benefit also. But the primary reason why a child is placed for adoption is because it is in HIS or HER best interest.
We used to think that if a couple could not have children, they could “just adopt” and then they would be “fine.” Adoption does not replace infertility. It replaces motherlessness and fatherlessness, but not infertility.
Thus, to adopt a child, parents should receive training. Not necessarily on how to be parents, they can do that on their own. But to learn to raise healthy adopted children. Parents of biological children and parents of adopted children face many similar challenges. Parents of adopted children also face some unique challenges. For example, these are some of the topics unique to adoption:
How do we incorporate a birth family into our family?
How do we help our child understand that he/she was not abandoned by his/her birth family?
How much of my child’s adoption story do I publicly share versus keep private?
If our adopted child comes from a different culture than our own, how do we assimilate that culture into our family?
Most states require training for a couple to be approved to adopt. Utah, however, does not.
At Arise, we believe in healthy, open adoptions. We believe in preparing adoptive applicants to adopt.
We believe in writing home studies for those who are ready to adopt (see our requirements here).
If you hope to adopt but still feel in the midst of grief and loss, we applaud your courage for stopping the adoption process until you are further along in your infertility journey.
If you feel stuck in your journey, our therapists are trained in issues surrounding infertility and would be happy to provide counseling for you.
Healthy adoptions are incredible. It is such a joy to watch children be raised by adoptive parents who have worked through their grief, learned how to navigate potential adoption issues for their child and embrace open adoptions. To get started on your adoption journey, go here.
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Take Care,
Kristel Scoresby
P.S. If you’re preparing to adopt, get in touch with us so that we can help give you the appropriate adoption educational training that will be a benefit to you, the birth parent and for the child.
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